I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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