she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My life is pants optional.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
