You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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