I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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