According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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