you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
