ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
