Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
