does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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