"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
