You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
