things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
