I think I died a long time ago.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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