I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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