I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
