My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
