Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
