I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
