fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
