Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
