it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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