So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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