We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
