So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
