I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
third nipple confirmed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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