He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
