Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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