as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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