the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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