bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
