I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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