so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
