did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
