This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
