Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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