Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
