So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
