Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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