what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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