No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
