I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
