well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
