i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
