Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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