We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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