I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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