Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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