I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
