I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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