it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
