she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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