I need help removing her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
